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I attach a couple of glamorous photos: one a close-up of my face in full make-up and the other a full-length shot of me in Lycra gym gear. who clearly don't regard the 6,000-mile distance between us as any hurdle to the path of true love.

No sooner do I hit the send button than the responses start to pour in. They all look as if they could be Britney Spears' chavvier brothers and that every meal they eat comes from a takeaway chicken bucket.

When the small talk is over, Alex tells me of his master plan which, admittedly, is brilliant in its simplicity - to build a pipeline in Afghanistan so that he can 'get some oil out and be rich'.

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When I fail to respond, he writes increasingly desperate emails, claiming that it was he who invented the i Pod - not Apple - and Daniel Craig's portrayal of Bond is based on him.

Then there is Kevin, a toothless roofer from Pontefract, who writes: 'I knows how to treet a lady rite and if you pick me you wont be disserpointed.' Oh, Kevin, I think I will.

Even though I'm 14 years older than him, he seems completely smitten with me.

He texts me several times a day to tell me that I am gorgeous - my skin is like porcelain, my eyes are like deep pools and my hair is like golden sand.

When I attempt to speak to him in French, he looks utterly horrified and declares that it is his rule to speak only English when he is in England.

He is clearly an Eastern European who has convinced himself that a smooth-talking Parisian will have more luck with the (very wealthy) ladies.

I also receive a simply hilarious message from Giles, an Englishman based in Sydney, Australia, who wants me to fly him ( first class, of course) to London and to put him up at the Dorchester.

In return, he will help me run my business and, he says, boost my turnover massively.

At this point, I wonder whether he thinks he's entering Miss World or trying to seduce a mature cash cow.

He tells me I am the first woman he has met from Seeking Arrangement, but that he has had previous relationships with several other rich, older women, including a Japanese lady he claims to have met while working in Tokyo as a croupier.

It is wrapped in brown paper, rather than cellophane, which makes me wonder whether he's just stolen it from someone's garden.

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